Unspoken Words...

There are times, when words come to mind
times, when the shadowy past gets left behind...

The heart aches to open up
to let lose that unspoken love,
somewhere deep down inside
something longs to hold that person tight,
to tell him, you love him all right
and that he is special in your life.
That you pray for him every now and then
and have been dreaming of this moment how and when.

You long to tell him how much it hurts,
how of the heart he wounds, blood splurts...
The eyes moisten, the lips quiver,
you know it's now or never...

Then out of nowhere,
the tide of memories comes rushing back,
the longing gets thrown into the sack...
and the shores of love get washed away with sand..

Amid the two shores,
the sea of life passes...
The love always supressed,
while the rage remains undressed...

Then finally, there comes a time...
The moment that can't be changed by any dime...
You stand alone, trying to hold onto the slippery sand,
grieving the loss of that loving hand...

The soul weeps,
the pain heaps,
the eyes moisten,
the lips quiver,
you finally realise... it won't be ever!

There are times when unspoken words haunt the mind...
times, when painful regret becomes hard to leave behind.

Yes, there are such times...

Love you forever...

Rememberance

When slumber becomes alien to the eyes…
When the mind wanders all the time…
When no joy seems enough to bring back that smile…
I sit quietly… watching the memories pile.

I sit with that longing look in my eyes…
That hope that never dies.
I sit longing for your first sight,
My gaze locked… even at night.

It’s your thoughts that flood my dawn…
And the sound of your voce that penetrates through all those city horns…
When the worldly sorrows begin to pile,
It’s the mention of your name that brings back that smile.

Your absence haunts the mind…
While the heart longs to rewind
Those days that could have been a lot better…
Just wish our moments together could last forever…

Retreat...

Life... well it's been so pacey lately that the mere attempt to catch up with it leaves me breathless.

There are moments... moments like these when i take a step back, allowing myself to lag behind further... to stop being on the stage of life.. to take a seat & rewind the story... the story that's life to me...
______________________________________________________

Six days... an incomplete week for some, but for me it seems more wholesome than several months of my life. To say that i've been humbled, touched, gratified, ecstatic... all seem inadequate... Its more like being numb... with an overdose of emotions. There has been so much to say to so many... amazingly one always falls short of words when they are needed the most!

Meanwhile I've had a joyous reunion with my long lost love.i wud have thought that things wud be slightly rusty after our eight month long seperation... but the high it gives me remains at its consistent best. Together we've struck again!!!

The term's coming to an end...a week off n then it gets mean again... back 2 back tests, activities & onerous tasks.

But then quoting a gentlemen i met recently
'Everything a cow produces is not milk!' ;)

Sure enough, the term will have it's share of smiles, frowns & everything human by the time it ends...

Thank u god for making life what it means to me... a rainbow of colours.

An update on life...

Time's runnin out so this one will have to be quick....
my results r finally out n so i m bac to the place i've been callin home for over a year nowi m in a single room this year... so the brooming can't be expected of others!!! as a result i've been borrowin it every alternate day! (mom r u smilin there??? ;) )classes r hectic as usual.. the work load too taxing. who in d whole world studies in the first term???? but classes have been suspended for the week as a punishment... all this coz we havent been revising!!!!!!ahhhh! i m a senior this year n boy m i enjoyin it or wat???????? gr8 feelin... well worth the exam pressure........;)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i have been fightin lizards n spiders n wat not lately!!!! lifes changin .... beyond recognition
Meanwhile strange things r happening... nomad's not feelin nomadic.. rather lets just say.... there is a strange attachment thats developed for this pit sop... can't think of movin just yet.

Are things changing a bit too much???

Is this still me???

Reflections...

Have you ever felt as though you have run out of words? That there are a million thoughts in your mind and yet when you sit down to talk them out, you find yourself searching for what to say? That you would love to talk to someone right now but can’t figure out a single sentence that makes sense? That you want to let out a wail of anguish and yet when you open your mouth speech deserts you?

I had read of such states of mind… when one loses his senses… and allows the sands of time to take control… to guide him across what seems like an endless desert of gloom… a desert that is characterized by torturous days and the darkest of dark nights… with no oasis in sight…

And then… the winds of change take charge… is that a smile that just crossed your face?
You wake up jubilant… there is a spring in each stride… suddenly the world expands… there are people you want to meet …there comes to mind an endless tale that you want to narrate… there standing under the sun… you feel blessed… blessed with the gift of life.

Have you ever felt the tension of the opposites, one pulling you towards happiness and the other trying to push you into an abyss of never ending darkness? Have you ever felt the burden of … choosing the ‘path’?


It had been a while since I updated this one. Its not that ‘words had deserted’ me… just that I would write a piece and leave it… the watch would tick away… and I would find myself coming back to start afresh.
Thanks P for making me realize that this is something I do not wish to abandon. I will try and update this one every now and then. So long…

Memories…ah! I am so… nostalgic today!

It’s been a while but I still remember that cold February (I guess that was it) morning… I had just got up from a sleep so sound that I felt I could go on for ages (that is till afternoon!)… Working away… toiling hard in the corridors of knowledge... I turned in my bed to face the glorious sunrise… (Ah! How I miss those early mornings!).
Probably… it wasn’t so early coz the room was already abuzz with activity. Now I know what that thudding sound was!
There wasn’t any space ship landing… and forget the aliens who had come to rescue me from term end exams… it was my ‘conspirator’ rummaging away noisily in her cupboard! Alas another chocolate was on the way! (And to think you never shared any! Wait till I catch you red handed!)…The story goes that ‘conspirator’ gets chocolates every time that she conspires against me with ‘we know who’!
BOOOOOM…I jumped out of my skin…for a while I was paralyzed… she stood there with her hands up in the air (What good is that? I think I have gotten used to it anyways! So much for my peaceful morning!)… and then the ‘uncoordinated’ expressions were replaced with … a mutual sheepish grin. That happens often! Happy ending, eh? I thought so too…
As I forced my self out of bed…yeah you are right… smiling…I did a little stretch and was on my way to answer the call…(com’on you ought to guess the caller!)… the world was still wrapped by a cover of fog… the view spectacularly limited… nothing was visible beyond the corridor…as if the field ahead was miraculously erased (I think I was still hoping the arrival of those Martians!{or whatever you call the generous inhabitants of Mars!}), unaware of what lay ahead…
Enough for scenic appreciation, I thought. I headed in the direction of the ‘booth’ (you can guess what I am referring to)… Noooooo! Was I so late? Oh God how could this happen to me? There in front of my very eyes someone just entered the loo! How I wish I had not tried to trace those aliens! ‘I and only I can rescue myself from those exams and what about answering the call? Surely those aliens weren’t gonna invite me to their ship to help myself’… I was completely back to my senses now… waiting patiently for my turn… ah! Those moments sure felt like ages!
So… while I passed time… talking around to an old mate who was desperately trying to get rid of her sleepy eyes… splashing ice cold water on her face… I finally got my turn. I was just entering the room when… the ‘cursed’ thing was delivered. Unaware of what it enclosed, we thanked the bringer and sat down to acquaint ourselves with what the world was going through…it’s then that I was told…
I sat there with my copy of Times international, Vidu with Delhi times and…Sheikh with the main paper. ‘Guys! Seeeee…’ she screamed… I still think I saw a concealed smile on her face… ‘Bird Flu has unleashed terror all around! Chicken consumption may prove fatal.’ That was it… the eyes of this foodie swelled up…Heartbroken I rushed out of the room to have a few moments alone…
Days became weeks and weeks months. Mc Donald’s no longer meant Chicken Mc Grills! Those were replaced with Alu ti… don’t even make me say it! All this while my ‘conspirator’ smirked at my grief… well not that she had conspired this time… but eh no consoling? Only family and mates like Shreya shared the pain…
At last today’s a great day. Chicken at home? Yummmm… Ah! How long we had to wait for the taste of a single morsel!
It’s now as I was sitting munching away that I remembered some ol’ times. Great memories eh?
As I sit here typing away this extract, my mind is flooded with memories of a hundred more such incidents…

P.S. This is a piece of fiction… bits n pieces put together
P.S. Apologies if you don’t understand a few things… it might be unwarranted!
P.S. I am still waiting for my share of chocolates… I made the conspiracy a runaway success after all!
P.S. Thinking bout… those days…those times…n something else…

Acknowledgement...

You know, the one problem that I encounter when I sit down to write? It’s about what I should write…
There are a myriad of thoughts and the issue is choosing which one to pen down.
But today I shall take the opportunity to thank some very special people who mean the world to me.
Every individual is unique and I respect this individuality. I also realize, as I have felt it for a long time now, I am different. More than inborn these differences have arisen thanks to some very special people in my life.
So today,
Thank you Mom n Dad. No matter how many times I say this, it will always be inadequate for words cannot express how I truly feel about you. I love you lots and have always done so.
Bhai what can I say bout you? You are a mate and an ally in all my ‘acts of crime’. Thanks for being what you are for me.
A big thanks to all my mentors who of late have played my closest confidants. You’re the best.
And now a word of gratitude to all those special people who I have come across in the journey called life… I was not born with you by my side…it’s destiny that has made our paths cross. Of these…some I have begun to call friends with the passage of time… some have left a lasting impact on me in the little time I could spend with them… time that was enough to imprint their image on the canvass of my heart…but time that proved too less to express my appreciation for them… and then of course there are some… I was perhaps too lucky to even meet. You are special and I hope we will someday spend enough time…for me to finish the backlog that I have had in my mind all this time.
This nomad would probably never have found the journey so engaging and alluring, and the pit stops so refreshing had it not been for you all…
You make me what I am… Blessed.

Anticipation...

As I patiently await the academic year ahead, I inevitably find myself reflecting on the year gone past… one whose memories shall remain etched on my mind and soul forever.
It’s amazing how quickly seasons change and fill you for a longing for more… you know I have tried to figure out exactly how much this past year’s meant to me… but words have always appeared inadequate!
Guess life is that ways. What’s gone cannot really be duplicated in words or otherwise.
Reflecting on my childhood, Pooja (a dear friend) and I used to fantasize becoming authors… to be in the same league as our beloved Enid Blyton. I have a feeling this blog might just prove and become one such outflow of thoughts… one cherished story about life at boarding school and beyond!
Unfortunately one eventful, fun filled year’s already gone past… actually rushed past at a pace so rapid that it’s left me gasping for breath… dying for more. More than for others, this one’s for me… an attempt to hold the slippery sand in my palm… the freely flowing water in my fist…