Long lost post!!

You will survive…

Dear blog,
I know things haven’t been going smooth between us of late. There are issues that I have been wanting to share with you for quite sometime but somehow it’s just not worked out!

First of all… Belated happy birthday!!! Sorry I missed that out! But you’ve always understood me before… hope you’ll forgive me this time as well.

I have been quite harsh to you, in ways that have threatened your mere existence, but I do know… you will survive… survive it all!

To you… my dear eternal… my confidante of one year…
To our relationship, that’s gone beyond what I had anticipated…
To us… together… forever …
Cheers!!!

Eternal

Those days… of pain… confusion… regret… longing… hoping… believing and then simply shrugging… ‘May be that’s how it was meant to be!’

That day… of speaking… hearing… realizing what I always knew… smiles… disguised tears… relief… revival… gain

Life can be strange at times… putting you through it all only to realize… what’s yours will always remain so…

There are things that are ‘Eternal’… I knew it all along!!

To a fresh start…
To what it was, would have been and will be…

Love…love n lots more to make up for all those lost times…

Missed ya...

A thousand reasons to love… and not.

It has been a long time now…
A long time wondering why I have to go through these spells of complex emotions, these phases that I haven’t quite managed to understand!

Here seated comfortably with my folks surrounding me, dining like lords, being able to go wherever and do whatever… isn’t this freedom? Yet, why is it that something seems incomplete? As if I have everything but not ‘the’ one thing that is vital for true happiness?

Then there’s the other side to the story…
A thousand miles away from where I grew up, away from the only people I had ever loved, away from the riches, comforts, everything that I grew up taking for granted.
It would be wrong to deny that my new home lacks everything. There are severe constraints on basic necessities… permissions, submissions et al but another folly would be to overlook what it does give someone like me…

There was indeed a time when I was a spoiled brat (infact still am!) but things are different now. A strange sense of freedom fills me deep down inside, the kind of mobility that 17 long years could not instill… these past two years have.

In the course of the most mundane circumstances… I get exposed to some distinct times that send the adrenalin rushing… giving me the most exhilarating high I could have ever imagined. Am I getting addicted? Yes, it is an inseparable part of my existence now!

Then come the matters of the heart! Hmm… I thought, rather used to consider myself incapable of loving anyone other than my folks… then I realized it was possible to have different ‘types n categories’… then there came a time I decided to do away with the complexities of fragmentation for I was indeed capable.

Missing something, someone, some moment… is this really me? I who try desperately to live in the present, remembering the past every now and then, yes, but moving on to what is in hand?

Yeah, it is me. I can say that with a smile on my face now rather than frown thinking of what’s going on.

The seasons have changed… and so have I. Aaah!! It feels nice you know… to be able to fly when people around are sulking of ‘burdensome’ lives, when the sun’s sudden decision to shine brighter makes others go dull… when I feel the strength inside of being able to take each day as it comes knowing that there are people… by my side and in my heart … to see me through it all.

There are a thousand reasons to love life… and of course a thousand to not.

New Year's Special!!!!

Standing on the sea shore ... with the sand slipping beneath my feet... the retreating waves... the sun setting...

It's gone... the times... those moments... that feel of eternity... of life just going on n on n on..... the angry tides.. desperate tries... teary eyes... longing sighs... all past now.

It's happening again!!! No matter how hard u try to keep away from something.. it just catches up with u.. infact attaches itself like a parasite. So well decision made.. no more tryin to restrain... maybe this new year is a time for indulgence!!!!!

Met sumone... after a long time ... n it felt like heaven!!! we sat there at first chatting.. catching up on wat life's been greeting us wid... then there came the spell of silence...like a cloud above the bright sun. The time to leave was finally here... i knew it.. yet i sat agglutinated to my seat.. hopin to absorb a little more of tat sumone i had been longing to meet for so long.....
Yeah i did get up eventually... n tat look in eyes did something inexplicable to my soul!!!
There was this sumthng in my heart like forever now.... i hv said it!!!!!
N there was a reply....

Now thats wat called a fantastic new year!!!!
Wonder wat all there is in store....

Yeah i wasn't just sayin it... i mean it!!!
Love ya...